you will marry at your level

Being a man means you have men circles and most times the issue of marriage comes up. I remember being a part of an informal intervention for a bro who needed to make a decision about a lady he was considering marrying. It was interesting, particularly when the older “bros” who were unmarried started giving their advice with sprinkles of personal experiences to drive home their point. Many had regrets, particularly looking in retrospect about opportunities they missed and decisions they had made or refused to make.Another interesting thing, which I think makes it different from a ladies gang, was that nobody dropped a “to-do list”, rather it was like an offering contribution of thoughts and experiences for the young man to go home and make a decision with. Ultimately, any decision, though influenced by the pot will not be an instruction from anyone but a resolution from within.

While all these went on I remember, talking within myself, that even though they had their different stories to tell, they all would eventually get to marry at their respective levels. It reminded me of the phrase utilized as the heading of this post. When school folks come to me to ask for advice, I usually ask them their plans and what are their thoughts for the future? One dude, who was very interested in securing his place in the heart of a young lady before someone else popped the question told me they will be praying and reading books for the next five years before they got married (I helped him with the calculations because he was in his third or fourth year). He immediately realized some of the points I was trying to explain to him. Since I had gotten his ears to listen, I told him this story of Yetunde.

Yetunde was a nice girl, who was born into a lean fortune. She sold tomatoes and pepper for her mum at the local market, relieving her in the evenings after she was through from the government secondary school she attended. She was a bright young girl and knew how to manage the little she had. Her neat dressing and warm disposition made her very attractive to buyers and admirers alike. She particularly got a lot of attention from the local bike riders, who ensured they came every evening to buy “market” before heading home for the night. She attended to them with courtesy and was always friendly with all and sundry. They, in turn, took it upon themselves to engage in a competition to win her heart. But it was to no avail because she secured admission to a Federal Polytechnic to study.

Yetunde was brilliant and won a scholarship for indigent students and with her mother’s support, she was able to complete her Ordinary National Diploma programme. Of course, she had a lot of suitors while she was in the Polytechnic, with many fellowship “brothers” ensuring she was “comfortable”. Yetunde never committed to any of them, but rather had her eyes on furthering her education which got her into a Federal University close to the family house. She still helped her mum with the sales in the market at the weekends and saw a lot of the bike riders, many of whom lamented that they had married and carried on with their lives in her absence, but still professed their undying love for her. She smiled most times, but she began to understand something.

Her ND friends kept in touch with social media, particularly Charles “omo ibo” who kept pestering her with marriage, now that he had gainful employment in a nearby state and was planning on settling down soon. She finished with her degree and went on to gain a masters scholarship in the UK. Yetunde was going to study in the abroad “in it?!” In a new world, she was encompassed with several people from diverse cultures and background. Charles now married, sent her messages about her changing lifestyle, particularly dressing choices, he was not too happy she had started wearing “trousers” and the likes. Yetunde went on to do a PhD, got recognized by the institution, recommended by the ambassador and ended up in one of the ministries back home.
She was now in the “big boy” circles, moving with the shakers and movers of the industry in the country and not quite long, began to receive gifts, messages and the like from suitors. To cut long story short, Yetunde ti marry, o de ti bi’mo! (Yetunde is married and has given birth).

Yetunde could have settled with any of the bike men, the OND guys, Charles who kept in touch later, the guys from the UK and still have made something good of her life – or even better, in fact, nobody is arguing about her happiness (She is currently very unhappy, are you okay? Is it you unhappiness…lol!). Marriage is not an exact science and I do not present this illustration as a template for life (it is obviously flawed with a lot of plot holes and real-world fallacies). The point I am trying to make is that there is a truism in that statement – you will always marry at your level. You can add that to your pot!